Toilet & Bodily Functions

Lavatorial language, bathroom talk, and bodily euphemisms

Introduction

The British have developed an extraordinary vocabulary for discussing what happens in the bathroom—ranging from prim euphemisms to crude slang. This reflects a cultural tension between bodily reality and social propriety.

From "spending a penny" (Victorian euphemism) to "having a slash" (decidedly not), British English offers options for every social context. Knowing when to use "loo" versus "toilet" versus "bathroom" is itself a social skill that reveals class, age, and regional background.

This chapter covers the full spectrum of lavatorial vocabulary—from the polite phrases you'd use with your grandmother to the crude terms that feature in pub banter. Essential for understanding British humour, which has always had a strong lavatorial streak.

Themes

All British Slang & Idioms in This Chapter (110)

• Spend a penny To use the toilet.
• Loo British term for toilet.
• Lavatory Formal term for toilet; place for washing.
• Powder room Euphemism for ladies' toilet; women's restroom.
• Restroom American term for toilet, especially in public places.
• Bathroom American term for toilet room; room with bath.
• Washroom Canadian/American term for toilet.
• Little boys' room Humorous euphemism for men's toilet.
• Bog British slang for toilet.
• Khazi British slang for toilet.
• John American slang for toilet.
• Dunny Australian slang for toilet, especially outdoor.
• Throne Humorous term for toilet; the porcelain throne.
• Crapper Crude slang for toilet; named after Thomas Crapper.
• Privy Old-fashioned word for toilet, especially outdoor.
• Water closet Formal/old-fashioned term for toilet; abbreviated WC.
• Gents British term for men's toilet.
• Ladies British term for women's toilet.
• Call of nature Polite euphemism for needing to use the toilet.
• Wee Children's/polite word for urination.
• Pee Informal word for urination.
• Poo Children's/polite word for feces or defecation.
• Poop American children's word for feces.
• Number one Children's euphemism for urination.
• Number two Children's euphemism for defecation.
• Potty Children's toilet; small toilet for toddlers.
• Tinkle Cutesy euphemism for urination.
• Widdle British childish word for urination.
• Break wind Polite euphemism for farting.
• Fart Expelling gas from the digestive system through the anus.
• Trump British childish word for fart.
• Bottom burp Childish euphemism for fart.
• Pump British childish word for fart.
• Bog roll British slang for toilet paper.
• Go to the toilet Standard British phrase for using toilet facilities.
• Use the facilities Polite euphemism for using the toilet.
• Answer the call Euphemism for going to the toilet.
• See a man about a dog Humorous excuse for going to the toilet (or leaving for any reason).
• Pointing Percy at the porcelain Humorous British euphemism for male urination.
• Shake hands with the unemployed Humorous Australian euphemism for male urination.
• Strain the potatoes Humorous euphemism for urination.
• Take a leak Informal phrase for urinating.
• Have a slash British slang for urinating.
• Take a whizz Informal American phrase for urinating.
• Take a dump Crude slang for defecating.
• Do your business Euphemism for using the toilet.
• Relieve yourself Polite euphemism for urinating or defecating.
• Empty your bladder Medical/direct term for urinating.
• Move your bowels Medical/polite term for defecating.
• Have a motion Old-fashioned British term for defecating.
• Freshen up Polite euphemism for using the bathroom/toilet.
• Powder my nose Women's euphemism for using the toilet.
• Spend time on the throne Humorous phrase for spending time on the toilet.
• The reading room Humorous term for toilet where one reads.
• The think tank Humorous term for toilet where ideas come.
• The smallest room British euphemism for the toilet/bathroom.
• Go Simple euphemism for using the toilet.
• Pop to the loo British phrase for quickly going to the toilet.
• Bursting Desperately needing to urinate.
• Busting American/Australian variant of desperately needing toilet.
• Desperate Urgently needing the toilet.
• The squits British slang for diarrhea.
• The runs Slang for diarrhea.
• The trots British slang for diarrhea.
• Delhi belly Traveler's diarrhea, especially from Indian food.
• Have an accident Euphemism for wetting or soiling oneself.
• Wet yourself Urinate in your clothes accidentally.
• Hold it Delay going to the toilet despite needing to.
• Gypsy's kiss Cockney rhyming slang for piss (urination).
• Tom tit Cockney rhyming slang for shit.
• Raspberry ripple Cockney rhyming slang for nipple, but also used for piddle.
• Piddle Childish/mild word for urination.
• Do a tinkle Cutesy phrase for urinating.
• Splashdown Humorous term for defecation.
• Drop the kids off at the pool Humorous euphemism for defecating.
• Lay a cable Crude humorous euphemism for defecating.
• Drop a log Crude slang for defecating.
• Jobby Scottish slang for feces/poo.
• Keech Scottish slang for feces/excrement.
• Ablutions Formal/military term for bathroom routine.
• Shite British/Irish variant of shit; also rubbish
• Thunderbox An outdoor or portable toilet
• The heads Toilet on a ship or in naval/maritime contexts
• Latrine A communal toilet, especially in military or camping contexts
• Comfort station A public toilet (American euphemism)
• Long drop A basic pit toilet with a long shaft
• Biffy A toilet (Canadian/American slang)
• Throne room The toilet, especially one's private bathroom
• Thundermug A chamber pot
• Chamber pot A portable container used as a toilet
• Po A chamber pot (old-fashioned)
• Pump ship To urinate (nautical slang)
• Bog paper Toilet paper
• Squat To defecate; also a squat toilet
• Public convenience A public toilet
• Amenities Toilet facilities (euphemism)
• Cloakroom A toilet (British euphemism, also room for coats)
• Outbuilding An outdoor toilet (euphemism)
• Earth closet A dry toilet using earth instead of water
• Comfort break A pause in proceedings for people to use the toilet
• Point Percy at the porcelain To urinate (male, humorous)
• Drain the lizard To urinate (male, crude)
• Siphon the python To urinate (male, crude Australian)
• Powdering the porcelain Using the toilet (humorous euphemism)
• Water the horses To urinate (old-fashioned, group stop)
• Toot A fart (childish/mild)
• Whoopsie An accident, especially toileting accidents (childish)
• Parp A fart (childish onomatopoeia)
• Botty Bottom/bum (childish term)
• Windy pops Farts (childish term)