Insults & Banter

Playful put-downs, teasing, and mild insults

Introduction

The British have perfected the art of the affectionate insult. Among friends, "you daft pillock" can be an expression of love, while "bless your heart" might be the politest way to call someone an idiot. This peculiar talent for insulting-while-not-really-insulting is central to British humor.

Banter—the playful exchange of teasing remarks—is the social glue of British friendships, workplaces, and pubs. The ability to give and take banter without offence is prized. If a Brit teases you, it usually means they like you.

This chapter covers the vocabulary of British insults, from the mild ("numpty") to the stronger (which we'll explore carefully). Used correctly, these terms add color to your speech. Used incorrectly, they might start a fight—so context is everything.

Themes

All British Slang & Idioms in This Chapter (71)

• Numpty A silly or foolish person (mild British insult)
• Wally A silly or foolish person (British mild insult)
• Donut A stupid person (British mild insult)
• Dimwit A stupid person
• Twit A silly or foolish person (British)
• Prat A foolish or annoying person (British)
• Git An unpleasant or annoying person (British)
• Berk A foolish person (British)
• Eejit An idiot (Irish/Scottish)
• Daft as a brush Very silly or stupid (British)
• Thick as two short planks Very stupid (British)
• Knobhead A stupid or annoying person (British vulgar)
• Tosser An unpleasant or contemptible person (British vulgar)
• Wanker A contemptible person (British vulgar)
• Bellend A stupid or contemptible person (British vulgar)
• Taking the piss Mocking someone or taking advantage (British)
• Wind-up To tease or deliberately annoy someone (British)
• Mug A gullible person or fool (British)
• You muppet Calling someone an idiot (British)
• Donkey A stupid or stubborn person
• Clown A foolish or unserious person
• Tool A stupid or easily manipulated person
• Dork A socially awkward or nerdy person
• Nerd An intellectually focused, socially awkward person
• Geek An enthusiast or obsessive about something
• Imbecile A stupid person (formal-sounding insult)
• Schmuck A stupid or contemptible person (Yiddish-American)
• Schlemiel A clumsy or unlucky person (Yiddish-American)
• Numbskull A stupid person
• Bonehead A stupid person or stupid mistake
• Nincompoop A silly or foolish person
• Dippy Silly or scatterbrained
• Dipso A person who drinks too much (mild term)
• Scatterbrain Someone forgetful or disorganized
• Deadbeat Someone who avoids work or responsibilities
• Lowlife A despicable person
• Dirtbag A despicable person
• Sleazeball A dishonest or slimy person
• Ratbag A rascal or unpleasant person (Australian/British)
• Sod A rude term for a person (British)
• Bugger A mild expletive or term for a person (British/Australian)
• Blighter A person (often with mild disapproval) (British)
• Plonker A stupid or foolish person.
• Muppet An idiot or incompetent person.
• Dipstick A stupid person.
• Minger An unattractive person; something disgusting.
• Nitwit A silly or stupid person.
• Div A stupid or annoying person.
• Drip A boring or annoying person.
• Melt A soft, pathetic person (modern British slang).
• Wet Weak, feeble, or pathetic.
• Wet Blanket A person who dampens others' enthusiasm.
• Cheeky Sod A cheeky or impudent person.
• Chancer Someone who takes risks or tries their luck.
• Wind-Up Merchant Someone who deliberately annoys others.
• Jobsworth A petty bureaucrat who won't bend rules.
• Dosser A lazy person; a homeless person.
• Skiver Someone who avoids work or duty.
• Layabout A lazy person who does nothing.
• Scrounger Someone who cadges things from others.
• Show-Off Someone who seeks attention.
• Know-It-All Someone who acts like they know everything.
• Clever Clogs A know-it-all; someone too clever for their own good.
• Busybody A nosy person who interferes in others' affairs.
• Nosy Parker A nosy person.
• Cheapskate A stingy or miserly person.
• Slob A lazy, untidy person.
• Couch Potato A lazy person who watches lots of TV.
• Moron A stupid person.
• Idiot A stupid person.
• Fool A silly or stupid person.